Old Age

Noah was in the car with me and I could see from my rear view mirror, that he was deep in thought. A few minutes later and again in a somber voice, he says, "Mom, do you know what I really wish?" I think, "Here it goes--a game boy, a horse, a trip to Disneyland..."I say,"What do you wish, son?"and he said, "I just wish...well I wish dad could bend over."It was all I could do to contain my surprise and my laughter.   Rick is a wonderful father. He will throw baseball after baseball to Noah and he will take him golfing.  Rick has two hip replacements, sore knees, sore shoulders, sore everything--I'm sure Noah has seen how hard it is for Rick to bend over and collect the balls.

I am a Choirister in the Primary.We are talking about building Eternal Families. Sister Harris brings a picture of a "Grandma" to discuss how she is part of the family and can contribute in many ways. "What things does your Grandma do?"and there cute Camden says it direct and plain, "Grandma's have to color their hair." Well, I have been coloring my hair for a lottta years now--so does that put me in the "Old Category?"

So just when does one make that transition into "Old Agedom" (is it when you start making up your own words:) ) Is it when you iron shirts with windex instead of the spray starch? Is it when you cook the rolls with the saran wrap still covering them? Is it when the streaks in your hair are more silver than gold? Is it when you water your plants with a glass of milk instead of water? Is it when Noah's friend's parents, have parents younger than you? Is it when you qualify for the Senior Discount (or when someone asks you, will that be 2 seniors and 1 child?)  Is it when you lose more things than you find and some of those things are the rest of your sentences? Is it when the remote in your hand does not seem to "select" the item you are pushing on until it starts ringing and you realize, you are trying to use the phone to do the remote's job? Is it when you prefer Raisin Bran to Fruit Loops? Is it when  CNN becomes the new Prime Time TV show? Is it when you are tempted to cleanse your face with Downy Wrinkle Releaser instead of Sea Breeze? Is it when you do not recognize a single Name Brand of clothing, or any of the Popular Singing Groups? Is it when the students you taught, are now teachers?  Is it when you eat more Rolaids than M&M's? Is it when you start asking too many questions? If any of the previous are qualification for "Old Age," then I am definitely old.

For the sake of Noah and my own fears, I am going to color my hair and have blonde streaks put in and attribute the above to "Blondeom."

Target Practice

One of my all time favorite places for me to spend money is Target. Unfortunately, it is also one (of hundreds) of Noah's favored pastimes. I have reached the point where going to shop is no longer a joy. Noah promises and promises that he will just look. Those casual glances become toys of all prices reaching out with persuasive hands into this young boy's heart. From there it is either a dramatic scene or a guilt ridden mom that gives into his desires...further perpetuating the dilemma.

I was hoping to make a Target run after work, BUT BEFORE I had to pick up Noah from school. I was still dressed in business attire and my beautiful long black dress coat. There would be no time for a quick change. The time posted on my phone was minutes from when Noah would be dismissed.

Noah climbed into the car. I informed him of the few errands that had to be completed prior to returning home. As I pulled into the Target parking lot, my heart began racing, my thoughts dialoguing "what would he ask for today?" and "just say no...just say no."I decided to have a discussion with Noah about why we were at Target and the items we would be purchasing. "This is not a toy run." He appeared to be very mature and understanding about the matter. "Hmmm maybe I have not given him enough credit," I thought.

As we walked into the store, Noah informed me that he would be back by the toy aisle. He reassured me that he would be "just looking." I reminded him that we had come for specific items none of which were toys.

Sure enough I found Noah still gazing at the toys on the shelf and there was one big toy box in his hands. The look on his face told me that I was in big trouble. The pleading, the whining, began. "But mom, I did not know this was going to be here." "I want it so bad. If I don't get it I'll just die." I calmly and matter of factly stated what we had talked about in the car and headed for the cashier. Noah jumped in my path. I had NOT expected a move like that. I tried to step around him, but he would match my move. He continued to   block me. This began to be rather annoying. The threats came..."then I am not leaving until you buy this for me." I had to stand firm in my resolve..."NO NO NO NO" The problem was that he had swift feet and I was unable to pass around Noah. Finally, I did one of those football fakes where you roll around and go the other direction and then like a mad woman sprinted for the front of the store. I hoped that there were no suspicious securtiy cameras viewing the whole of this situation. Part of me was finding the matter rather comical while the other part of me was alarmed at the fact that I had to run away from my son. I heard footsteps running behind.  They seemed to be following with haste. My dear little sweet Noah was not going to let the woman in a long dark coat, make an escape.

All of the sudden, Noah lunged after me with all his might and strength. His hands grasped my shoulders and the momentum pulled me down. It was a total "face plant" a pure "take down." There was no grace or class. I was... nose dive to the cold tile floor and Noah on my back. I was in utter shock! Tearfully Noah exclaimed, "Oh mom, I didn't think you would fall." I was furious and humiliated, so much so that I could not think to get up. So there I stayed wondering what my next move would be.  A woman walked by me and inquired, "Are you all right?" I am thinking, "that is one heck of a dumb question...my son just tackled me in the aisle of Target," but I responded with a firm "NO!" from the ground below.

Finally, I stood up and tried to gain some composure. Noah kept apologizing but I just couldn't even seem to acknowledge him. He didn't have to ask...he knew he WOULD NOT be purchasing anything today.

I do not know how long it was until I was able to laugh at the incident. I am sure that I made the other customers wince, then smile. It may have been the highlight of their day. I still go to Target and without a helmet and shoulder pads. Noah will still come to Target and want something while promising it will be the last time. The only difference now, is he invites two of his friends also wanting something. Some mothers drive around in a van with a bumper sticker that reads "SOCCER MOM." While mine on the other hand would read "SUCKER MOM."