gaffe |gaf|nounan unintentional act or remark causing embarrassment to its originator; a blunder : an unforgivable social gaffe.
Oh my word...this word I know and live so well. My life and world is full of GAFFES. I guess this blog could bear the name, "God Made Me to Laugh at My Gaffes." I have not only embarrassed myself, but others through my blunders and naiveness. There are several gaffes that have created quite a stir that I could not possibly mention in public save a few key words. For instance, the shiny round disc I held up in the aisle, "Does this belong to anyone?" I thought that colorful package was a disc cover for someone's floppy disc. Then there is the one with the kleenex box in front of the Idaho Falls Tigerettes and their mother's before a performance...to ease the fear of performing... You know the joke is on you when no one laughs and jaws are dropped as if in utter shock. Then I ask, what could possibly be the matter? Some kind soul would then pull me aside and whisper in my ear the crude meaning of my joke. It is enough to keep anyone quiet for a long time...but oh know...not me...I am just a one gaffe after another.
As a Flight Attendent, I had many such instances. We were in New Orleans on Mardi Gras. It was a full plane with partying and already intoxicated individuals. There were blow horns and sparkly hats and beads. This group of people needed more than the typical soda and peanuts or pretzels. Passenger A: "Can I have a Bloody Mary, a cup of water and coffee with cream... oh and do you have change for a hundred...maybe some alka seltzer too?" and on it continued passenger after passenger. Finally, we had moved beyond the first two rows. It wasn't long until I heard, Passenger B,"Mam, do you have a towel and a refill?...I had a little spill." Out of sheer frustration, I blurted out a cliche that came to my mimd..."My are we all thumbs today?" Immediately upon completing my sentence, I glanced down and saw ten stubs, not fingers, stubs. Clearly it could have easily been mistaken for "all thumbs." I wanted off that plane yesterday. First off because of my stupid remark and second, the thought that I may I have hurt some one else's feelings was more than I could bear. I do not know if he had been in an accident or if this was something from birth. I do know I was sick inside and I am sure the look on my face reveled just how sick. With compassion and a couple of words, "it is okay," he brushed it off, but it replayed over and over in my mind.
Then there was the day that a handsome African American passed by me. Somehow we ended up visitig about diverse subjects. We were off on the topic of watches. I was collecting them at the time, especially trendy Swatches. Thet were plastic, creative watches that were Swiss. I looked him square in the eye when I spoke, "yea I have seven, but my favorite is the one with the black face." Really. Did I really just say that to a black man?
What about the man from church that was blind. Somehow his cane found me more than once. He was in need of a ride home. I was happy to do that for him. I had a sheild in my window to protect the dash of the car from the sun. As I directed him to the passenger side of the car, I saw the shield, "Just let me get the BLINDER...I mean the thinganajig out of the window so you can SEE, I mean so I can see..." Later on, it was "let me know when you SEE the street sign I am to turn on for your home." Everyone knows that a blind man can't see and yet much of our conversation required seeing..."Have you seen any good movies lately? Do you think she is cute? Is your house that one or that one," as I point to both sides of the street.
The harder I try to avoid the blunders, the bigger they become. Now living in a world where you have to be politically correct, I overthink everything and leave people wondering if I have a speech impediment. There have been occasions when I hear the little voice in my head say, "Why do you have to be so dumb?' Then I remember, it is those very things that people find so endearing. I think I am hilarious, yet I know I am not and just want to be...so if I can get a laugh or two when the discomforting situation has ceased and time and humor have added their touch...so be it.
One day my mom was seated at the dinner table with some pretty prominent people, in fact, the children were not allowed to attend. I had been suffering with major allergies. My mother had given me an antihestimine to help with the sneezing and runny nose. It was long over due and my sneezing started up again with a vengence. I ran up the stairs to the dining table. My mother asked,"Can I help you with something?" With confidence, I said for the table to hear, "Mom I think I need a hysterectomy."
Off on the Champs Elysee in France, the taxi drive asked me in French "Quel age avez-vous?' (How old are you?) I wanted to impress him with my wonderful one semester of BYU French and responded
"sept" which would be seven years of age. I was sure he had asked me how many people were in my family. His eyes were bulging with surprise. I went back to my hotel room later, found my handy dandy French Dictionary and realized the reason for his disbelief. All the whilde my mother is practically yelling thinking that if you talk real loud, the taxi driver will understand.
The first time I say the word "GAFFE" was in connection with Vice President Joe Biden. I guess I am in good. or not company when it comes to being a "GAFFER."
"sept" which would be seven years of age. I was sure he had asked me how many people were in my family. His eyes were bulging with surprise. I went back to my hotel room later, found my handy dandy French Dictionary and realized the reason for his disbelief. All the whilde my mother is practically yelling thinking that if you talk real loud, the taxi driver will understand.
The first time I say the word "GAFFE" was in connection with Vice President Joe Biden. I guess I am in good. or not company when it comes to being a "GAFFER."
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